So I go to get breakfast yesterday, which I always bring food to work so it was kind of a special occasion. Well the two chubby kids at work were heading to Café Paradise so I figured I would tag along. I had never been to café Paradise but I figured if the two portly fellows eat there all the time so it has to be good.

Well as I walk in to the café I notice a blind lady (dark sunglasses and a walking stick) sitting beside the register, so I am ordering and then this happens.

Me: I will have a sausage and egg sandwich

Cashier: that will be 2 dollars, and I will bring it to you in a minute

Me” thanks

Blind lady: sir, could you hand me a menu

Me: sure, not seeing a menu other then the one on the wall, I just handed her a comment card that was sitting beside the cash register. Figuring she was blind any way.

Blind lady: This isn’t a menu

Me” whoops

Blind lady: this is a comment card, the menu’s are on the other side of the register.

I truly believe this lady was setting me up just to see how big a jerk I could be, and of course she won this round, but the next time I see her crossing the street with her dark glasses and walking stick, it is going to be on. no comments

Hillary Clinton called for President Bush to begin pulling troops out of Iraq next year. And let me tell you something, when it comes to telling a President when to pull out, no one has more experience than Hillary Clinton." --Jay Leno

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Sorry I have not given any advice lately. I was actually in Mexico trying to find a job. I figured, heck, they're all here so there must be some great jobs in Mexico. After many interviews and lots of tequila, I realized my home was back in the USA. I know that if we kick them out Cinco de Mayo will carry on. You must stop to think about the meaning of the day. I believe the government is going to implement a law that states, "any US citizen may rent a Mexican for a 24hour period on Cinco de Mayo." They will transport them back for that single day so we don't have to make our own margaritas and tacos. It will be a great day. If you read the fine print, you can also have them do construction for four hours of that time allotment. So if you need an apartment complex built or would like to have a tasty margarita,(or both) I say vote YES!!!!!!

THEY CAN EVEN PROVIDE THEIR OWN TRANSPORTATION!!!! no comments

Recently in Waterloo, Iowa Police arrested two people accused of filing a fake obituary for teenager Dan "D.J." Reddout with a newspaper to get off work for a few days. Police arrested James Ralph Snyder, who is the boyfriend of Reddout's mother, and the boy's mother, Mary Jo Elizabeth Jensen, submitted a death notice to the Waterloo-Cedar Falls Courier newspaper, saying that Jensen's 17-year-old son had died at the Mayo Clinic after a lengthy illness. They worked at Tyson Foods and wanted some time off but their plan failed when the teen was spotted at a restaurant.

Read more here.

Oh, what people will do to get off work for a day.....anyone out there got any good stories like this one so they could get a day off work besides calling in sick??? no comments

Million man march on Columbia, I saw a 1989 Astro Van pull up on the corner of Main and Elmwood, and let out almost a million Mexicans to march to the capital today. The were caring signs say “we are Americans”, “who isn’t a immigrant”, and my favorite, “Who cleans your houses and Hotels.” After seeing this I was craving a burrito, so I decided to drive down to Monterey’s but realized they were all probably marching, but lucky Taco bell was still open. Got to love Taco Bell. no comments

How do you get a sweet 80 year old women to yell F*ck?

Get another sweet 80 year old woman to yell BINGO! no comments

Hello all this is my first post and some of you will have already heard me relay some of these sotries, but i feel that everyone should get to hear about some of the people i encounter through my job and some of the funny things i have seen people do or say.

The first tale occurs several months ago oh wait this isnt a tale it is very short. So i am Chilling leaning on the hood of my car over seeing the building of 2 homes, when i look up just intime to see a Lexington County inspector bust his rear end while trying to walk off my lot. Granted it had just rained and my neighborhood is nothing but nasty clay. Anyways this dude's feet start to slide out from under him and he does the whole arm wave thing you know what i am talking about, but it just doesnt work as usual and he falls on his fanny fanny. Well he gets up and looks around and thinks he escapes and about the time he takes a couple more steps he sees me just looking at him and smiling and he knows that i know that he fell down.

The next story takes place up in Ticks part of the country up in Boiling Springs. Well i am working in this neighborhood helping out up there because hell i am a swell guy. Anyways I am walking the hood and decide to check in on the cleaners. These girls are some what attractive, but about as country as hell, but i will give it to them for having all their teeth. Well I come in and they dont know that i am there yet and i over hear them talking about children this that and the other. You know the usual man i have 2 kids and that is all i want and not me i want more. Of course since it is in Ticks neck of the woods they start having kids up there early like 14 because hell there aint nothing else to do up there especially when walmart closes and you cant hang out in the Ingles parking lot. Well the new girl who is this little 18 year old girl is going on and on about how she wants kids. THey ask her does she think she is ready and does she have a husband. In true redneck fashion her answer is hell yeah i am ready i have raised to puppies and no i dont have a husband but i have a boyfriend and hoping i get pregnant so he has to marry me.

And last but not least lets not leave out my witnessing a case of indecent exposure. SO i am pulling into my new neighborhood on Thursday and i ride around back to get something out the construction trailer. I see my landscaper's truck and him standing on the side of the road at my concrete wash out with his back to his truck. By the way he is a CLEMSON GRAD WHO ALSO PLAYED FOOTBALL FOR THEM. So i dont think much of it until i get closer and sure enough the hick from clemson is taking a leak in the concrete wash out pit. So i get out and i am like dude what are you doing and he responds "nature was calling". I asked him why he didnt use to porta john on the way in and he said he didnt feel like walking across the parking lot to use it. i said man i know you are a clemson grad end every one pees outside just dont be doing it right on the edge of the street in case a homeowner drives up. What is up with old people having to pee every 5 minutes anyways

Later from the construction site no comments

In a surprise appereance...Shoeless Joe Jackson, who is from Greenville, SC, made a apperance for the opening of the Greenville Drive. The Drive defeated the Catfish with a 6-1 victory. The Drive are part of the Red Sox organization and are a single A team. The stadium has a little green monster of their own, see pic, which some guy from the other team hit a homer over. It truly was a great venue with a kids playground area, Shoeless Joe's actual house is right outside the stadium, they had cheap food / beer and a grassy area in the outfield if you want to sit and watch the game.

Check out the pics above of the venue and look for more from the Drive later on. no comments

The 'new' minor league baseball team is set to begin play tonight in there new stadioum in the West End of downtown Greenville (SC). The Drive is a part of the Red Sox organization and there new stadium sits 5700 and has a smaller verison of the famous 'wall' in Boston. The game is a complete sellout for tonight at 7:05pm but of course I will be there.....many of you may remember the Captial City Bombers in Columbia...well this is the same organization. They left Cola-town and decided that G-vegas is the place to be. no comments

I saw this article on TheState.com and thought to myself.."what about personal liberty and freedoms?".....I know one may agrue that it curbs teen drinking, DUIs and possibly deaths but is anyone thinking about the rights of these teens. I know many schools look for 'drunks' at proms and do some things to try and discourage drinking before or after prom but a blood-alcohol test? Wow....these kids better get there early b.c it could take awhile to get through the door.

You decide and after you read this...

Hilton Head High to require blood-alcohol test to enter prom
HILTON HEAD ISLAND, S.C. - Hilton Head High School students will need more than fancy dresses and tuxedos top get into this year's prom. They'll also have to pass a blood-alcohol test.
The school decided to test all students to see if they have been drinking after several students arrived at last year's prom drunk, said Obie Schramm of the Beaufort County School District.
"Unfortunately, there's always a handful of students drinking, and that makes it hard for everyone. We don't want something terrible to happen," Schramm said.
School officials will administer the tests, principal Helen Ryan said.
Alex Clare, who is helping to organize the prom, said he supports testing for alcohol.
If I'm not drinking, then it doesn't bother me. I think some people are mad at it, but I can see why (the school) did it," Clare said.
Beaufort County school officials said they will look at Hilton Head High's plan before deciding whether to do blood-alcohol tests at the district's other three high school proms. no comments